I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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