dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
