Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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