I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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