u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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