Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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