you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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