I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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