Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize