Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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