My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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