Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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