We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
