I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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