I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
