Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
