Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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