here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
