You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
