Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
