Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
