once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
