the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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