I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
