i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
