"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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