So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
