someone threw a dead crab at me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
