The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
