3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
