The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
