Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
