I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
