Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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