if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
