Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
