Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
