So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
