the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
