tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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