is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
