his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
