Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
false alarm. still invincible.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
