I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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