im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
