I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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