Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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