I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
