Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
