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Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
