but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
