Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
