he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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