Little spoons don't ask big questions
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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