I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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