it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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