can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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