Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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