I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
