I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
