I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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