Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rumble strips road head = magical
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
