Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
