Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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