the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize