i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
